A Sunday Conversation

About character, reputation, and Sabbath rest

There was a recent Sunday when some of our children had difficulty practicing respectful behavior during church. Upon leaving church I had a conversation with my children about character: what is it exactly? I explained to them that character is who you are when no one is watching and what you do when no one is there to stop you from doing wrong. I went on to explain that reputation is built upon character and reputation is what people think when they hear your name mentioned.

I went on to explain that childhood is an important time when character is being molded. They are establishing the habits and practices that will continue with them into adulthood and which will influence how they raise their own children. As parents, we select the rules, rhythms, and routines in our home that will influence the habits they develop. The children were very engaged in this conversation and it reinforced a growing understanding in my own heart.

Initially when my children were misbehaving in church I felt flustered and frustrated; I was solo parenting that day and multiple children being difficult was not on my plan for the day. I realized that I was panicked because I didn’t have a plan; this is a danger zone for parents because it leads to reactive parenting. I took a mental step back and assessed the situation. Giving myself the mental space allowed me to determine what steps I would take to refocus the children. Plan in place, I proactively engaged my children in an unobtrusive way and we were able to finish the service peacefully.

I then continued acting proactively by conversing with my children about the situation that had transpired. They understood and received the information. I also explained the consequences that would follow their actions so they could grasp the direct correlation between their chosen misbehavior and the natural consequences of those choices. All of this was accepted and we moved forward with our day as a family.

Unlike reactive parenting which is an emotional response to children’s behavior because a parent feels unable to control the situation, proactive parenting enables the parent(s) to maintain order and discipline within the family in a way that engages all members and encourages character formation through conversation and relatable consequences. Proactive parenting requires the parent(s) to be self-aware as well as aware of the needs and responses of their children.

While I did not enjoy the difficult situation I was in that Sunday, I was thankful to have learned a valuable lesson as a parent while teaching my children more about our family culture.